Dear Pleasure Saucer: February 7th, 2008

(Editor’s note: here is the first in series [first mentioned here] of what I hope are many letters written by you, dear reader, about your erotic escapades in Asheville. Or anywhere, really, I don’t give a fuck. If you would like to contribute a letter, please send it here.)

Dear Pleasure Saucer,
Hey, I saw that you were looking for dirty letters from people in Asheville, so I thought I’d write you about something weird that happened about a month ago. Nothing like this had every happened to me before. Hell, nothing ever happens to me. I work third shift at the Wal-Mart, so I’m usually asleep when the rest of the world is doing stuff.
Anyway, I finished my shift Sunday morning. I had just walked the rickety stairs to my apartment on S______ Ave, prepared to drink a couple of PBR’s and get nice and unconscious for the next 12 hours. I had snowed the night before, and it was still hella cold. But, the early morning sun looked nice; So I went into my uninsulated, icebox-like kitchen, cleared the crap out of my breakfast nook (Yes, I have a breakfast nook. I didn’t build the damned thing, it came with apartment.), propped a chair against the wall and commenced to enjoy the view.
The view sucked. I saw the back of a bunch of other crappy, run-down houses, and the tops of the fences defining various back yards. The only yard I could see was my own, and the one belong to my next-door neighbor. Her name is P____.
Let me tell you about P____. I’ve known her for about eighteen months, every since she’s moved in next door with that godamned yapping terrier, and I’ve spoken to her precisely four times. She’s beautiful, blonde, wears skirts to work so tight she’s practically poured into them, and has stick up her ass so far its a wonder no one’s mistaken her for a corn-dog. I asked her out once. She said no. That’s okay, I’m used to no. I asked her why. She said,
“I got out of my “white trash” phase a while ago.”
Then she got in her VW Bug with all the lefty bumper stickers on the back and drove off. I was pissed off! Just because I’m wearing a flannel shirt with a trucker hat doesn’t make me “white trash”! I’m a slacker, damnit!
Anyway, I’m settling in to a slightly-drunk, lower-class depression, wondering how high I would bounce if I just opened the window and through myself on to the weed-infested year below. Suddenly, I hard a moderately loud bang. My neighborhood is pretty quiet Sunday mornings, so sounds like that tend to travel. The bang came from my neighbor’s back yard, so I shifted in my chair slightly to look down.
I saw P____, forzen in mortification, completely naked, a scrap of her nightgown hanging from the door. I could imagine how it all went down, with perfect clarity: She opened her back door to let her mangy little shit of a dog out saw that he immediately went tunneling underneath the fence, she rushes out to get him wearing only her flimsy nightgown, the door closely unexpectedly on more than half the material, ripping it off her just as she hears the door’s lock click shut.
Her body…damn. the skirts didn’t do it justice. Her body was firm, toned. Her substantial ass and tits jiggled invitingly as she did a sort of pee-pee dance of anxiety and cold. I confirmed she was a natural blonde, with that cute little landing strip she had shaved in. I saw this, even though she was over thirty feet away, because as soon as I understood the situation, I had rushed to get my pair of cheap binoculars. Cheap they may be, but they caught her pink little nipples turning to diamonds in the nearly freezing air. When she turned around, I saw she as a little tatoo of a butterfly on her right ass cheek.
She started looking around, wildly, I suppose paranoid that someone might see her. Which she was right to be. I ducked down, not wanting to end the show so early. Through the corner of my window, I saw her try her back door, which was securely locked. I saw prepare and then lose her nerve to call out for help maybe half a dozen time. I could see her pacing, one minute rubbing her tits, the other minute rubbing her pussy, sometime putting her hands between her legs and clenching, doing anything she could to keep warm. She was wondering how she was going to inside to warmth and clothing. So was I.
It was about this time that I took my cock out and started whacking off. I ain’t proud of it, but I’m not gonna lie about it either. I haven’t had a girl in years, and my virus-riddled computer had been stolen three weeks before this, so no porn either. Now I had a naked woman, who I didn’t like very much but wanted to fuck in the worst way possible (take that however you like), in physical and emotional (but funny!) distress, and there was no way in hell I wasn’t going to enjoy it as much as possible.
She looked up, and I came to the same conlcusion she did. Her little bedroom window, on the second floor, directly above her back door and the overhang. It was an older door, and while it was probably locked (or latched) as well, it would sure be easier to get open than that damned door.
She tiptoed over to the corner of her building peeking into the alley her house shares with the one I rent from. Evidently there was no traffic to be seen, so she hugged the corner of the building and started climbing up. I realized that she must do wall-climbing to stay in such great shape, and that her nipples and crotch not have been to comfortable now, what with her hugging those walls that tightly. I started to time my jerks to the flexing of the might ass, as it slowly worked its way of the wooden walls.
The sweat was glistening off her as she made it to the second floor. By this time she was much closer to me and (more importantly) her back to me, so I had dispensed with the binoculars and was simply whackin’ for all I was worth. I love a woman’s back, the way the muscles and the ribs all move together. Of course, the ass was the star here, especially as she stretched out a leg to put a foot on the overhang. This was the really dangerous bit, as she had to shift her weight to her right leg, and then climb sideways over to the overhang, all with out slipping.
I didn’t want her to slip. Having your jerk-off fantasy break her legs is a bit of a turn-off. But I had other things on my mind, as I saw her tits being mashed up and dragged against the wall as she positioned herself in front of the upstairs window. She spent a few seconds to rub her poor abused nibbles and pussy, and nearly came when she did that. But I held out, as she started trying to pull the window open.
She tried jerking it open a couple of times, without success. Then she planted one foot on the overhang, one foot against the wall, and started one continous hard pull. Her back was once against to me, and I was in a perfect posititon to see her pussy and her asshole, with every muscle in her body straining and flexing.
I climaxed just as the window came open. She almost fell at this point, but I was beyond caring about anything for the next couple of seconds. By the time I looked back out she was gone, the window was shut, and she was persumably having a hot bath.
The next evening I saw her come out of her house as I was going to work. All in all, I think I played it right. As I walked past her, I just said,
“Pretty cold tonight, huh Butterfly?”
I heard the breath catch in her through, and shoes stumble to a stop. I don’t think she moved the entire time I walked to my car and drove off.

-sent by K____ S____

A tip

If you are going to use a fancy new microphone for an interview, please understand completely how the friggin’ thing works. I have to reshoot an interview now, because I didn’t turn the damned thing on and failed to record any sound. It was a good interview, too.
A short post today, since I am going to the Music Video Ashevile tonight at Cinebarre. Also, while I am mentioning awesome things going on, everyone reading this should go to the Jolie Rouge this Friday for Mount Dungeon’s fundraiser for URTV. It shall rawk. Yes, that’s how it is supposed to be spelled.

What is an Anarchist to do?

  • Well, first of all, they are to not vote. Do not play their game. Now, many good patriots and progressives are aghast at the thought of not voting. They ask the anarchist, horrified, “How could you affect policy, effect change, or generally make things better without voting in rigged elections for the thief could can yell the loudest about the scariest thing?” Its a good question, one that that many anarchists haven’t answered satisfactorily. This leads to ineffectual protesting, bitter internecine squabbles between different prefixes, cynical despair, and backsliding into “tactical voting“- witness the anarchists for Ron Paul. May answer? Counter-Economics. Agora, Anarchy, Action!
  • The 2nd thing the Anarchist is to is not fear. To quote a certain muppet, “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” Most deviations from the cause of liberty, most ugly bigotries and prejudices expressed by otherwise credible anti-statists are the result of fear and insecurity. Fear of the other. Fear of a race, a region, a religion, that the fearful are convinced just can’t be liberated, that spread slavery like a plague, and must be cast out to perserve the good, free (usually white) people the fearful identify with. To quote another well know fictional character, “I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.” Listen, Anarchists! The brown people are not your enemy. Nor are the Jews. Nor the Pagans, the Theists, the Chineses, Men, Women, or even Bosses. Oh, were it that simple. Our enemy has no throat to choke, no heart to stop, and no balls to kick. Our enemy is the idea of the State. We must meet it with the two greatest poisons to the State: love and respect.
  • Now, for something positive: This Anarchist is to read. We must out-think our enemies, since we can’t out-muscle them. We must have a ready answer to every challenge by the statist, even if that answer is, “I will not be drawn into this pointly discussion.” We must out-dream those who see no alternative to the State, and we can to that by building on the the dreams of those who came before. Seek them out, listen to their dreams, and create your own.

Weekly Round-Up of Ashevillians

Always the most interesting characters.

Asheville Bloggers, Unite!

There was a blogger conference at the Rocket Club tonight. I attended, partly to pimp URTV, and partly because I do have a blog, so I should be doing something with it. Among the talk of progression and empowerment, there was talk of setting up a ad revenue sharing network for Asheville blogs, with certain standards for what sort of blog could get in. This would, in effect, create a sort of Asheville Blog Guild, (although I think I’ll use the term co-op, since that gives you the acronym ABC and I’m a sucker for stuff like that.) I’m of two minds about the subject. On the one hand, I do like the idea of money, and not doing all the work to get said money. On the other hand, this does have a hint of elitism. Now, I have against people being elitist, expect when it may leave me out in the cold, and my confidence if my blog fu is not great (not having my own computer right now probably contributes to that.) But, we will see what happens. Btw, while the decor of the “Rocket Club” isn’t nearly gimmicky enough for my tastes (I wanted wait-staff in silver foil jump suits and cups shaped like flying saucers), the groovy tables and chairs were a step in the right direction.
I am going to try to blog every single day from now on. I figure If I can maintain that what I am without computer, it should by much easier to pull off once I get a replacement. Also, new episode next week.

The Travails of Local Celebrity

So I’m at work, and one of my supervisors, a sweet if incredibly Christian woman, walks up to me. She walks up to me with a smiling, slightly worried expression, and spends the the first 30 seconds confirming that we are good friends (we are) and that I’m feeling good (reasonably) and that I won’t take criticism personally (a little bit of weeping, but that’s it.)
The tells be she caught the last half of episode three last night, featuring Raven and Willow, two dancers from the Trophy Club. So far, it has been my most “extreme” episode, with content that would have to be shown after 2 AM. She wanted me to know that I was “smarter” and “better” than what she saw. I replied that it was preceisely that attitude that prompted me to do those types of shows, do show that stripping is not “beneath” anyone. It is, at its essence, an artform, and thus should be praised and admired. The unfortunate fact that it is not is a condemnation on our dysfunctional culture, not stripping.
This is the first time someone not connected with URTV has mentioned the Pleasure Saucer to me. Weird feeling.

Blogging without a computer is hard

So, I performed at the Asheville Fringe Festival. It was pretty cool. Infortunately, while I was performing, someone stole my laptop and a URTV tripod (plus perhaps a few other film things I rented) from my car. So, now I owe URTV that back, and I have not home computer, which….well, sucks incredible ass. but I shall persevere! I shall remain upbeat.
Incidentally, my entire archive of episodes and material was with my laptop, so I don’t think I’ll be able to get those episodes up on the internet (unless by some miracle the cops recover everything, and intact.) OTOH, I now have contacts for everyone who performed at the Fringe Festival, so I believe I will be able to feature almost all of them on upcoming episodes. I also have the footage I and my brother and Megan took, so that will be cool to get on URTV. So, new episodes will be comong out soon, and directly from the TV to the internet.

The Pleasure Saucer will not be denied! Praise Bob!

Blue Ridge Autonomous Zone: A Proposal for the Future

(From the pamphlet currently in circulation)

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. — That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed, — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it…..”

-American Declaration of Independence

Every single individual has the right to secede. Every American has the legacy of the American Revolution to inspire, guide, and justify their secession. Every individual of conscience has the moral obligation to throw off any government that destroys their lives, liberties, and their chances at happiness. Given this, it is the right and moral obligation of the people of the Blue Ridge Mountains to alter and abolish our ties to the United States of America, and to secede from the US Federal Government.

Our region has a unique history. This is irrelevant, as every region has a unique history. Those who would base their secession upon a region’s or a people’s unique character would deny it to regions and peoples that do not share that unique character. Let me be clear: I believe anyone and everyone, from Maine to Florida, from London to Bombay, has the right and moral obligation to alter and abolish their ties with any government they feel is oppressing them. My choice to make mention of the region we are in is simply a case of, “Think globally, secede locally.”

We have many reasons to secede from the United States of America:

The United States kills us….

  • With its insane and illegal wars.
  • With its police shooting and tasering whenever they can get away with it.
  • With the incompetent mismanagement of the environment it claims dominion over.

The United States steals from us….

  • Through propping up bad businesses and monopolizing others.
  • Through unjust taxes.
  • Through a fraudulent fiat currency system.

The United States terrorizes us….

  • By declaring peaceful activities with no victims to be heinous crimes.
  • By creating a climate of fear and suspicion.
  • By slowly turning us from free individuals into slaves of the State.

These are all good reasons to secede from the United States of America. Any one of these would be justification for throwing off both the national and state governments. Together they make a very compelling case. But perhaps the best reason to secede is that we cannot freely do so. Any organization you are not free to disassociate from, without the need to uproot your life and move, is not a free organization. No group can truly be said to protect your rights unless they protect your right to metaphorically take your ball and go home.

Some Common Questions

  • Is living in the US really so bad? – Yes. It would be worse to live in most other places. That does not excuse how unacceptable the US has become.

  • Why don’t you leave, if you hate it here? – Because I don’t hate it here. I love this culture, these people, and this land. It is my love that drives me to secede from a government that is killing what I love.

  • Can’t we just vote the bums out? – No. Politicians have become a class of predatory aristocrats, and no sifting through the scum for the least offensive gangster-in-chief will produce the change we need. No, not even Ron Paul.

  • Don’t we need the rest of America? – We need the farmer in Nebraska, the scientist in California, and the writer in Alabama. We don’t need the thugs and bureaucrats from any state. Besides, this empire will fall. When it does, we need to be out from under it.

  • Don’t you remember the last time someone tried to secede? – Might does not make right. We are not the Confederacy. Fear is a lousy decision-maker.
  • Do you really think this could work? Yes. While nothing is certain, we have the knowledge and the resources right now to pull this off. More than that, the US Empire has never been more tightly stretched, or more dangerous to its own citizens. If we don’t start this today, we may not survive tomorrow. Besides What better place than here? What better time than now?


The Blue Ridge Autonomous Zone needs a decentralized, polycentric government, rather than the centralized, corporative monopoly we currently have. The necessary functions of any government are more responsive, efficient, and innovative when individuals are allowed to choose the function that best suits them from among multiple providers. Such a system would focus on preventing real injury to real people and property, and would ignore mythical enemies abroad and harmless substances at home.

Just as the governments of the past no longer meet the needs of today, the tactics of the past no longer meet the needs of the 21st Century revolutionary. Opposing a government, that has refined violence to a ridiculous degree, with violence is in itself ridiculous. The Blue Ridge Autonomous Zone adopts two tactics to succeed in secession: Counter-Economics and the Temporary Autonomous Zone.

Counter-Economics is the study and/or practice of all peaceful human action which is forbidden by the State. We must establish alternative institutions to the state-enforced monopolies now in place, such as law enforcement and currency. These institutions also include industries heavily regulated by the US, such as health care, education, and food distribution. Even if it would not be feasible to actually operate them while under the US, they still need to be created. These institutions must be in place so that when the US is critically weakened, they can assume prominence.

We must also promote peaceful actions the US has deemed illegal. We must stop the fear and shame the US uses to keep us under control.

The Temporary Autonomous Zone (TAZ) is a socio-political tactic for creating temporary spaces that elude formal structures of control. It is insurrection through celebration.

The single greatest obstacle to the Blue Ridge seceding is not the might and ruthlessness of the United States of America; It is inability of the average subject of the American Empire to recognize their right to secede, and their ability to live and thrive without the US. The TAZ’s will be a series of unmediated social interactions that will illustrate these two points for the populace. They will grow in size and intensity, until their point of view is dominant, and we live in a free and autonomous Blue Ridge.

If you are interested in more information on Counter-Economics, Temporary Autonomous Zones, and the Blue Ridge Independence Committee, please contact us at:

Blue Ridge Independence Committee


John L Robinson

Provisional Coordinator

PO Box 8104

Asheville, NC28787